A Filmmaker's Journey Beyond Rejection
The journey, not the destination, they say. However, after pouring your time, energy, and money into a costly and time-consuming short film, receiving 73 rejections can certainly feel like having arrived at a destination: the end!
Flashback to 10 years ago: I was stealthily trying to open the front door and sneak in before my mom could catch me coming in at midnight again. I was commuting for a total of six hours back and forth daily for my theatre production. My mom came to my dimly lit room, whispering in a shivering voice, "Please Marzia, you have to stop this. There's no future in a job that doesn't pay you." Had she blinked, her tears would have run across her face. I could hardly pay my bills with my theatre job, and this was concerning to my family.
The budget for my latest short film came from my savings, funding from Filmpool, and a production assistant gig, which was physically and mentally demanding. I spent two weeks on set dealing with snot and Covid tests, hustling for 12 hours a day on my feet in hot and cold weather, both getting yelled at and being ignored because being a PA has its own perks. I was a college graduate and a newcomer to Canada who needed this job to help me get closer to finally finishing my film, which I had been working on for almost two years.
Winning and official selections are addictive pleasures! It’s what fueled my assumption that my next film would also gain recognition just like the previous ones had and pushed me to finish One Little Link (2022), despite all the roadblocks I faced. One Little Link received one official selection, one nominee, and one honourable mention, with 73 rejections. When a member of Filmpool staff sent me a thank you e-mail as a response to my cost report, and asked how my festival run was going, anxiety and depression were feeding my imagination with disappointed faces.
I was extremely burnt out. The imposter syndrome was brutally shattering my confidence and sense of self-worth. I couldn’t function normally. Thinking that I wasn’t good enough was affecting my job, relationship, and future plans. My doctor diagnosed me with ADHD, and I had to take medications to control binge eating. Seeking perfectionism took so much energy that my brain and body became paralyzed. The confusion left me staggering and dysfunctional.
Looking back after 12 months, I've come to the realization that receiving rejections is all part of the process. I didn't do enough research on the audience demographics of each festival or whether my story would be a good fit for them. I only considered Canadian festivals because of easy attendance due to my visa delays. On top of that, a political crisis shifted the media’s focus and it adversely affected my fictitious Russian story.
Rejection does not necessarily imply that a film is bad. You just need to get skilled at film marketing. Do not overanalyze your work; instead, seek assistance with promoting your film, or move on to the next project. Next time, ask yourself why you think a particular festival would really help your work. What if your project doesn’t need a festival run? Lazy marketing doesn’t tell you the truth about the quality of your film.
One Little Link has since been referenced by amazing and skilled professionals and received positive feedback. The experience greatly enhanced my directorial abilities and improved my reel. My confidence was restored when I pushed myself to pitch again; even if I was clumsy or had a shaky voice. I started working again and signed a few contracts. When film school shut down the production of One Little Link due to the pandemic, I was massively hurt as an international student along with so many others. But since getting back to producing and distributing my films, what I’ve learned is beyond compare to what I was learning at school.
If you are rejected, please be proud of yourself for not compromising your time and creative vision to please the festivals. You had the courage to stand up for your vision and fight against self-censorship. Take pride in showing bravery and riding this roller coaster of success and failure called filmmaking! Your next director’s statement is going to be so much better.